You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
