moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I have vodka in my lungs
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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