woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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