Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
