Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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