I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
how does that bad decision feel?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
