the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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