how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The struggles of a small town man whore
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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