Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
