Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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