Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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