if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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