I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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