i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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