just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
