I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
