well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
