he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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