Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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