Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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