Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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