I think i peed on brittanys purse
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
