tell your sister to shave her snatch
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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