Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have fence marks all over my body
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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