my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
