I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you still have your period?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
as a side note pls kill me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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