final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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