I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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