And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
