Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
