Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
