So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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