We named our party play list daddy issues
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
