THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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