Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
