Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
