so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
