Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
