Apparently you make a good broom.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
