tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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