you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
