Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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