Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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