I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
