Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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