and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
