Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize