Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
