I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
