So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
