Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
