im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
