Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
