So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
