Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
