I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize