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so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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