What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
