It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
