yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
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Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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