A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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