sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
