id be glad to
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
