I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
