My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
