she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
