just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
