just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
