Dude my mom stole all your condoms
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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