My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
