he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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