Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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