I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
