How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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