If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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