if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
